Simplify Parenting

TTC 23:

If you open yourself to the Tao,
the Tao will eagerly welcome you.
If you open yourself to virtue,
virtue will become a part of you.
If you open yourself to loss,
the lost are glad to see you.

     It amazes me how much parents and society influence children. I’m starting to see that parents really screw up their children terribly. We work hard to teach the rules, “You can do this” “you can’t do that”. Then we tell them to be themselves. When they start to be themselves we start correcting who they are. I’ve noticed that a good portion of the time the action generally has no bearing on society, causes no harm, and is a real issue or behavior needing correction. For instance, a child around the age of 4 or 5 was pretending to be an airplane in the grocery store. His mother scolded him and with a defeated look he quit. This is what little boys do. The store was virtually empty and he wasn’t running into anything. He just had his arms out making airplane noises rocking back and forth walking behind his mother.

     Last week my youngest child came down with the flu. My wife and I stepped out to run an errand for 10 minutes, when we returned home our oldest child was going crazy that the youngest had vomited in his bed. The whole story had us laughing. The part that struck me the most was that the 3 year old had no real reaction to it. He knew that the vomiting wasn’t normal but didn’t cry or have a fit. We put a garbage can next to his bed then instructed him on how to use it. Immediately he leans over and vomits into it. Perfect, life doesn’t get much better. We quickly changed his bedding and sent him back to sleep.

     The oldest went on and on how gross it was, that is smelled, etc. The 3 year old still no reaction, just living in the present. He hasn’t been taught that it is gross, that it “stinks”, or that there is an issue with it. It just is what it is. Eventually he will be taught otherwise, but it won’t be by me.

     Parents pass this on and in turn the kids pass it on to theirs. I’m breaking this pattern. I’ve seen where a mom will pass on a fear of catching something as simple as a cold. The daughter hears someone around her so much as cough and she’s screaming about running to the store for Cold-Eeze. The unreasonable fear will most likely be pushed down to her offspring as well. It’s sad and unnecessary.

At Night Caravan, Green Monk had a great post titled Baby Talk.

The baby is unprogrammed. He has not been told what is and what is not. He has not been indoctrinated by society, television, cultures and religion. The babe is a blank slate. He or she only knows what is. He does not worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday. The baby lives only in the present moment. This is baby dwells in oneness.

     After a week of thought and meditation I've made a list of rules for my children, I’m sure that a few more will come up in time but as of now.

Be your own person
Never compromise your values
Stay healthy, exercise and eat right
Put wealth and status below health, mind, and others
Obtain useful knowledge
Choose your friends carefully, they will influence you
Respect everyone regardless, they are who they are. Don’t infringe upon them

It looks like a good beginning, and “You’re too old to act this way” isn’t there.